I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
No more Irish car bombs ever.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
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