A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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