so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
