The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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