he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Randomize
