He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
