OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
Randomize
