so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
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