he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
Randomize
