peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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