I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
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