you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
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