He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
