The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
