I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
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