Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
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