my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
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