pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
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