i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
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