he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
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