i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
Everything about him screamed your future.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Randomize