id be glad to
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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