I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
Randomize
