Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
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