Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Randomize
