Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
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