dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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