I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
