She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
Randomize
