Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Randomize