i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Randomize
