He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
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