She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
