You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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