I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
Randomize
