I think my vagina is haunted
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Randomize
