who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
Error 1684C: You're last text was undeeliverable. Subscriber is our to the aera.
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
Randomize
