He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
My breasts were aching with rage.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Randomize
