My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Randomize
