You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
