1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Randomize
