a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Randomize
