Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
