living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
