i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
Randomize
