it's too hot outside to masturbate.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Randomize
