I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize