Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
Randomize
