I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
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