i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Randomize
