before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
