The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
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