Four minutes until I can fart!
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
Randomize