is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
Randomize
