Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
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