Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
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