the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
