He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Randomize
