fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize
